Anger | The different phases of grief

Anger

The feeling of anger plays an important and central role in understanding and experiencing grief from the perspective of most people. Also in the well-known phase models of grief, anger or rage plays an important role. Mostly authors refer to the grief experienced by the death of a close person, but also other strokes of fate can lead to grief – and in its consequence – to anger.

This anger is often accompanied by envy of other people who do not have to suffer such a fate. Questions such as “Why me?” or “What have I done that something like this happens to me?”

often drive anger and rage even further. Individually, however, each person experiences grief differently and not everyone reacts with anger and rage. Many people encounter the feeling of anger during the mourning process and it should not be suppressed when it occurs. This only leads to more tension, feelings of guilt and negative emotions.

Denial

Many people initially react to a stroke of fate, a death or a serious diagnosis with incomprehension and dazedness. A kind of shock also occurs in the first moments or even days. A predominant mechanism in this phase is the denial of the reason for mourning.

It is often referred to as a “not-being-aware-willing”. A feeling of helplessness, helplessness or even emptiness is often described by those affected. Many people are not able to adequately express their feelings in these moments. This can be very stressful for outsiders. The denial of a mourning event can last several weeks.

Duration of mourning

It is very difficult to tie grief into a universal pattern and thus define it in a general way. The duration of the mourning process is something very individual, which cannot simply be defined in days, weeks or even years. Different times are repeatedly given by many sides, but these cannot be verified.

Mourning is a flowing process that does not end abruptly. Some people mourn for a few months, some for several years. It is very difficult to distinguish a normal mourning from a depression.

The boundaries are almost fluid.For those affected in particular, their view of the situation is clouded, making it even more difficult to differentiate between them. The so-called mourning work, which is a normal reaction to a loss, is considered physiological. It is individually very different and is integrated into the process of processing.

A mourning reaction, on the other hand, lasts longer than 6 months and is more intense than the mourning work. However, what is called “more violent” is very difficult to put into words. Only a professional assessment by a psychiatrist, psychologist or psychotherapist can provide clarity.

However, even the mourning reaction is not yet depression. A very important distinguishing feature of the mourning reaction and depression is the feeling of joy. People with depression basically feel a depressed mood, a joylessness, regardless of the circumstances of the day, whereas people who go through a grief reaction may well feel joy.

But of course it is not that simple. Depression is a serious psychiatric illness that is diagnosed according to strict criteria. These criteria must be met in order to diagnose depression. The feeling of numbness is also very typical of depression, but rather untypical of a reaction of grief. Patients with depression sometimes experience themselves as emotionally impoverished, both in terms of joy and sadness.