More and more people do not want to enter into a fixed and long-term commitment. When the first infatuation disappears and unpleasant characteristics of the partner come to light, many flee back into single life. Attachment disorder is a typical characteristic of today’s society. Is that why most singles are relationship-disordered?
What is attachment disorder?
A disorder is far from being a disease. Only when the affected persons suffer from their limitations can we speak of a pathological disorder. People who want to form attachments but cannot, suffer from an attachment disorder. Everyone else may simply be anxious, so caution should be exercised here when labeling supposedly attachment-disordered people. According to psychological doctrine, attachment disorders are usually rooted in childhood and are diagnosed in two different forms: Childhood reactive attachment disorder and disinhibited attachment disorder.
- The former is defined by multiple fears, aggression against self and others, that is, social disorders and emotional abnormalities.
- The second is manifested by attention-seeking behavior and clinging children to their caregivers, but usually not emotional abnormalities. Almost always, the causes of attachment disorder are found in early and early childhood.
Causes
In extreme cases, attachment disorder can be caused by premature birth or trauma in the womb (for example, drug addiction of the mother). Almost always, however, the cause is severe neglect of the child during the first three years of life. Reasons can be that the mother cannot take care of the child due to psychological problems. Also a frequent change of caregivers, death of parents or loss of caregivers, long hospital stays, stays in homes or sexual abuse can be the reason. In general, it can be said that 70 percent of all children have secure attachments. Of the remaining 30 percent, many have insecure attachments with their primary caregivers. This means they are more likely, but not certain, to develop an attachment or other mental health disorder. Children with secure attachments are not later afraid to form attachments themselves – even if they are risky – and to be a true attachment partner in a relationship.
Symptoms, complaints, and signs
Children with attachment disorder suffer from anxiety, are overprotective and unhappy, rarely have relationships with peers, rarely play, and are not properly socialized. Adult attachment disorder usually develops from a childhood form of attachment disorder. Adults who readily allow a short-term relationship once, then quickly withdraw and run away, are far from having attachment disorder. This is true only when they crave attachment but cannot allow intimacy. Attachment-disordered people have no choice about whether they have, want, or do not want a relationship with another person. A distinction is made between different attachment patterns. The most problematic is that of the disorganized attached. These were not able to form an attachment to caregivers in childhood, thus do not believe in emotional security and do not show any needs. They seem indifferent and also cannot respond to their partner. Adults suffer from BS when several of the following symptoms apply: Desire for control, inability to accept love and guidance, strong unexplained anger and hostile behavior, lack of empathy and trust, fear of responsibility. Feelings of confusion, anxiety and sadness are usually added.
Diagnosis and course
To properly diagnose the disorder, autism, Asperger syndrome, disabilities, and schizophrenic disorders must be ruled out. In attachment disorders, unlike other psychosocial disorders, speech is normal, intelligence is not diminished, and delusions are not present. Even if a reactive attachment disorder was not previously apparent in an adult, it may be reactivated from childhood by a traumatic event that strikes him or her in adulthood. Unconsciously or consciously, the affected person decides to stop forming painful attachments.In adults, the final diagnosis is reserved for professionals after conducting several interviews. It is important to know: Not every attachment disordered person is attachment disordered! Due to their restricted play and social behavior, children suffering from an attachment disorder are often outsiders. The spectrum ranges from voluntary segregation to casual exclusion by the other children to bullying.
Complications
A common complication of attachment disorder is misunderstanding of the child’s needs. Even loving caregivers sometimes have difficulty correctly interpreting the child’s inconsistent behavior. For example, when the child withdraws, he or she may still feel emotional needs for closeness and affection. For this reason, caregivers should be patient and seek professional advice. Attachment disorder is most often diagnosed in childhood, but it can continue into adolescence and adulthood. In particular, lasting emotional attachments such as romantic relationships and long-term friendships often pose a challenge. In some circumstances, other psychological disorders may develop from attachment disorder. For example, anxiety disorders, depression or somatic disorders can occur as a complication. If the course is unfavorable, personality disorders such as borderline personality disorder are also possible, although these can only be reliably diagnosed in early adulthood. Depending on the cause of the attachment disorder, further complications and concomitant disorders are also possible – for example, in the form of post-traumatic stress disorder if the attachment disorder is due to abuse or maltreatment.
When should you see a doctor?
As a rule, a doctor should be consulted in the case of an attachment disorder when the disorder causes severe restrictions in the daily life and in the life of the affected person. In many cases, this disorder also leads to severe psychological discomfort or even depression and can thus significantly reduce and negatively affect the quality of life. A doctor should be consulted if there are social difficulties and loss of friends and contacts, which are definitely necessary for the well-being of the affected person. A doctor must also be consulted for other psychological complaints. It is not uncommon for an attachment disorder to also lead to anxiety or a lasting sadness and confusion. Therefore, if the affected person exhibits these feelings, a doctor should be consulted as well. Especially in case of a long-term occurrence of these feelings, a visit to a doctor is necessary. As a rule, a psychologist can be consulted for this purpose. Not infrequently, in the case of an attachment disorder, conversations with friends and acquaintances about the complaints and causes of the disease also help.
Treatment and therapy
Attachment disorder can worsen over the course of a lifetime, such as when the most important attachment figure disappears or dies, or when a hurtful betrayal occurs. However, it can also get better with a healing relationship or therapy. For children, the only form of therapy is a consistent environment. This must not change, no matter what developmental steps the child takes, in order not to jeopardize possible successes. Loving, understanding contact is more important than any psychotherapy. Possibly the child can be subjected to play therapy. Most importantly, the child must learn to build trust. Often, caregivers need the advice and support of experts. In extreme cases, the child may need to be given medication to control aggression toward himself. For adults, psychotherapy is strongly advised. To cope with this successfully, it is necessary to take a look at one’s own biography: many people repress a loveless, relationship-less childhood because it hurts too much to deal with it. They immediately throw away relationships that demand something of them or threaten to end the relationship if something is demanded of them directly. Thus, sufferers must learn to be very critical of themselves and step by step, with the help of therapists, use actions other than resignation.
Outlook and prognosis
The prognosis of attachment disorder depends on many factors. Basically, attachment styles prove to be persistent in psychological studies: in adulthood, in most cases, the attachment style that was learned in childhood continues.It is possible that an attachment disorder in childhood increases the probability of developing a personality disorder later on. However, no concrete prognosis can be given, since most studies on this topic only deal with this question retrospectively. Borderline personalities suffered from an attachment disorder or had an insecure attachment style with above-average frequency as children. Targeted interventions, for example with a child and adolescent therapist or parent counseling, can have a positive effect on the attachment style. If the affected child finds a new caregiver and is able to form a stable attachment with this person, the attachment disorder does not have to continue later in life. In general, treatments are considered most promising when both the child and the attachment figure are involved. A stable attachment is considered a protective factor for many mental illnesses. Potential attachment figures include not only biological parents, but also adoptive or foster parents, other family members, educators, child care providers, and others who have a consistent relationship with the child.
Prevention
The real prevention is in childhood. Our society must model love and relationship to our children. A child needs a stable environment. This does not mean that children from divorces, from homes, from traumatic pregnancies or orphans will necessarily become attachment disordered. There just needs to be at least one relationship person for each child that they will not leave under any circumstances, ideally a parent, but an aunt or grandfather can also take on this role. To all those who have not been so lucky and have therefore built up attachment disorders, it is recommended that everything flows. Nothing is final and everything can be converted for the better.
Aftercare
Attachment disorder is usually treated when the sufferer finds it distressing. In contrast, aftercare is often preventive in nature. It aims to prevent recurrence or generally rule out complications after successful treatment. A fundamental distinction must be made between disorders affecting adults and those affecting children. Adults often carry over attachment disorders from childhood into adulthood. A psychotherapist is hired to work through the psychological problems. Even after a one-time recovery, the typical symptoms can reappear. External causes such as the loss of a caregiver often justify treatment. The fears that have arisen are reduced in discussions and by means of social training. Sometimes partial symptoms can be remedied by medication. Mostly children are affected by attachment disorders. Since they are not yet able to create their own social environment, neglect has a particularly detrimental effect. They are treated permanently if the causes, which mostly control adults, do not disappear. Renewed treatment should take place in a familiar environment. Once children have established trust, results can be achieved more quickly. Inpatient therapies are the exception. Attachment disorder can last for most of a person’s life. Some patients end up in long-term treatment. Their therapist then becomes a central support in life.
Here’s what you can do yourself
Those suffering from attachment disorder usually experience only an unsatisfactory social life. In everyday life, those affected find it difficult to form a bond with fellow human beings and to approach people openly. Since contact with other people is usually accompanied by fear and feelings of insecurity, many people with attachment disorders avoid other people and try to keep them at a distance. In order to make everyday life more bearable, the close environment should show consideration for the problems of the person concerned and allow him his individual freedom. In a relationship, the partner should always be aware of the need for sufficient patience, love and freedom for the long-term functioning of the relationship. Visiting self-help groups, where one can exchange ideas with like-minded people, can also be an enormous help. The realization that one is not alone with one’s attachment disorder provides comfort and relieves the personal pressure of those affected. Among like-minded people, one usually encounters understanding for one’s problems and can find ways out of fear and mistrust together, so that one can form satisfying relationships in the future.
