People with Borderline Syndrome are basically able to enter into a partnership and are rarely without a relationship for a long period of time. Even though there is often talk of a borderliner being unable to relate, this is not true. Nevertheless, relationships with borderliners are not easy.
It is often a problem that those affected sometimes show reactions that do not fit the situation and are not comprehensible to the healthy person. People with borderline syndrome tend to idealize their partner at the beginning of a partnership and to commit themselves very closely to him/her. It is often reported that partnerships are initially extremely emotional and borderliners are quite capable of loving their partner very much.
However, they often focus on the panic fear of being abandoned and they cling to the partnership by all means. Usually to the point where one of the partners almost has to give up his or her own ego and always retreats further and further from friends and a life outside the relationship. Borderliners have little or no self-confidence and self-esteem and define themselves mainly through the relationship.
The other person is supposed to fill the emptiness that they often feel inside themselves. Added to this are often the extreme reactions and instability in their emotional world. As much as the partner is adored in one moment, he can be hated in the next moment.
This instability is often difficult to understand for many people who do not suffer from this personality disorder. And that is why it leads to separations time and again. Nevertheless, relationships are often very fulfilling, especially in the early stages, as borderliners are adventurous and active and certainly develop a very keen sense of their partner’s needs.
It is often said that you simply don’t get bored. At the beginning of a relationship everything is still new and interesting, real problems often only appear later, when the relationship becomes more solid and the initial passion gives way to a routine and firmness. Later on, the ability to find compromises and structure everyday life comes more and more to the fore, which borderliners find very difficult to deal with.
These everyday routines and obligations that go hand in hand with a long-term relationship are often too boring for people with borderline syndrome and they often feel they want to destroy the whole thing. Because of their personality disorder, most borderliners have already been through some very painful breakups and are afraid to go through them again. This results in very early separations, whereby they want to prevent that the bond to their partner becomes too strong and they could be hurt so enormously again.
Conversely, when a partner wants to separate from his partner suffering from borderline syndrome, the borderliner often threatens suicide and self-harm. Exactly this often causes partners to give up their own identity and continue to tolerate the relationship out of fear of their partner’s reaction until they themselves might suffer from mental illness. Borderliners often have a fear of closeness and fear of being alone, which makes it very difficult for both sides.
Since the borderline disorder is a disorder of identity and personality, and the sufferers often do not see any boundaries between themselves and their partner or another second person, these boundaries are often crossed. It is difficult for borderliners to see where the needs of the other person begin and where their resilience ends. Therefore it is important that the partners who do not suffer from borderline disorder set boundaries.
It is important that these are set right at the beginning and not only when the pressure of suffering becomes too great. The fact that the borderliner often projects onto his partner those feelings for which he himself has too few defence mechanisms, which one would normally need to deal with feelings such as fear, sadness, disappointment or inner emptiness, often leads to these feelings being projected onto the partner as a last resort. Now it is up to the partner to come to terms with the feelings he now carries within himself.
Unfortunately, in a partnership between a person with borderline disorder and a healthy person, brute force often occurs. Often on healthy women, caused by the borderline disorder. The reasons for these violent outbursts are the inability to control impulses and the high potential for aggression, both of which are associated with a borderline disorder.
However, by tolerating it one does not help anyone. Neither oneself nor the borderliner, because a therapeutic treatment would be important and so it is applied very late. A borderline disorder very often includes self-injury, which can be a real test, especially for the partner without disorder.
For the relatives, it is usually completely incomprehensible how the borderliner can injure himself, and it is not uncommon for partners in particular to blame themselves. However, nobody is to blame for the behaviour of the borderliner, but since the behaviour of the partner or the previous situation is often the trigger for the self-harm, it is often difficult to convey to the relatives that they are not the cause of everything and are not to blame for the disturbance, but that the situation can only be the trigger for the self-harm, which would appear sooner or later anyway. In addition, relatives often feel too little involved in the Borderliner’s emotional life and are sad or angry and feel set back and ignored when self-injuries come into play.
Unfortunately, it is often also seen as a breach of trust when people with a borderline disorder get hurt. It is important that the relative distances himself or herself from these actions as much as possible. It is important to be aware of your partner’s problems, but not to blame yourself and to make it clear that you cannot help, but that professional help is needed.
Self-injury is always an expression of the fact that those affected are struggling hard with themselves internally and that the self-injury can bring them back to reality and make them feel themselves again. One should never reproach the partner for what he is doing, but concentrate on himself, listen to himself and never ignore or overlook warning signs for the overload of his own soul. Often it is good to talk to a therapist about how you feel and to work out an “emergency plan” for yourself, so that the next time the borderliner injures itself, you can no longer face the situation so helplessly and calmly.
People with borderline disorder have a high risk of suicide. This is undoubtedly an enormous burden for the partner. Often they also threaten to kill themselves if their partner ends the relationship.
As a result, relatives are put under enormous pressure and this often leads to great emotional strain on the partners. But even without threatening the partner, suicide is an omnipresent topic for most borderliners. Not all of them think of putting an end to their life and suffering by killing themselves.
However, there is always a great risk and statements in this direction or corresponding behaviour must never be taken lightly. Basically suicide, the attempt to commit suicide or just talking about it is a cry for help from the person concerned. There are some important points where you should be very careful.
Especially if the partner repeatedly or even just once talks about suicide or if he or she starts to identify with people who have died of suicide and often people who want to kill themselves start giving things away, dissolving savings books, sorting out important things or they stop doing things that they have enjoyed so far. It is important that relatives who notice such changes become active and realise that professional help and an inpatient stay in hospital are now inevitable and act accordingly and make it clear to the borderliner that he needs help. However, it is always important not to do all this behind the back of the borderliner, but to always talk openly about his suicidal tendencies with him. TOP-Topics in psychiatry More topics on psychiatry can be found under: Psychiatry A-Z. – Borderline symptoms
- Borderline Syndrome Causes
- Borderline therapy
- Borderline test
- Borderline syndrome Relatives
- Causes of the Borderline Syndrome
- Stress Disorder
- Anxiety Disorder
- Depression
- Depression symptoms
- Mental illness
- Personality Disorder ̈rung
- Mood swings
