It is important that parents do not see this behavior as a personal affront, the psychologist advises. Mothers and fathers must learn to let go of their children and yet continue to give them support. However, adults should not simply back down in arguments.
Furthermore, they must show the adolescents boundaries, because excessive tolerance and too lax rules do not provide a basis for friction and disputes. “If conflicts are not dealt with, however, teenagers cannot try out and assert themselves,” psychologist Zimmermann is convinced.
Between provocation and cockiness
If there are not enough points of friction, pubescents look for other ways of provocation by means of which they can test their limits – for example, through a lack of commitment at school or by consuming alcohol or drugs.
“The challenge for parents is to be able to distinguish with patience between pubescent exuberance and clear transgressions of boundaries,” says the head of the Catholic Education and Family Counseling Center in Cologne. To find the right balance here, it can help to talk to friends whose children are the same age. “If a young person comes drunk from a party once, this can be a one-time slip,” Zimmermann says.
Don’t shy away from professional help
It becomes more difficult if this happens repeatedly or if pubescents isolate themselves for several months. “Then the parents should seek professional help, such as from an educational counseling center,” the psychologist recommends. This also applies if the adolescents suffer from compulsions and fears, are violent or take drugs.
J1 examination
The so-called J1 examination at the pediatrician’s office also provides important information about the developmental stage and conspicuous behavior of adolescents. During this examination, 12- to 14-year-olds are checked for their developmental status. The young people undergo a complete check-up: In addition to a urine test, the body mass index is determined. If there is a family history of the condition, the doctor will arrange for additional blood tests to be carried out. In addition, important data on illnesses, eating habits, school performance, vaccination status, exercise, social and addictive behavior, and sexual experiences are recorded.
Finally, there is a counseling interview. The teenagers themselves decide whether they want to have this alone or in the presence of their parents. “Adults should prepare their children for a physical examination before they visit the doctor. This is because during puberty, the feeling of shame is very great among teenagers,” says certified psychologist Zimmermann.
