Clamps and separation anxiety in children
Clinging and an associated fear of separation is a component or a typical characteristic of the child’s alienation phase.If it is taken by the mother, for example, to the daycare center or kindergarten, the children can hardly be separated from their mother. They cling to their arms, cry and resist having to leave their mother behind. The fear of separation is particularly pronounced in the phase of being a stranger and is based on the fact that the children suddenly see the kindergarten teachers as strangers whom they mistrust.
Therefore, they cling to their familiar person, because they only feel safe and secure with him or her. In this phase children are afraid that their mother will not come back and leave them behind. Therefore, some children can react to the separation with very heavy crying and screaming.
Strangers with daddy
A strange child can be very moody and erratic in defining a stranger. Thus, it often happens that the own father is treated as a stranger. This manifests itself in a defensive reaction to the father and an increased search for contact with the mother.
The children show all kinds of typical behavioral patterns of a stranger phase such as crying, screaming, fear and aversion towards the father and focus on the mother. Fathers who work all day and do not come home until the evening tend to be affected by this stranger reaction. If the child has then spent the whole day with the mother, the father, when he comes home, is understandably considered a stranger at first.
The father has to accept the strangeness painfully and should not force the child to make contact – i.e. not take him in his arms despite crying and defensive behavior. Rather, it makes more sense to stay close to the child together with the mother, to talk to the child while maintaining a certain distance and to wait until the child approaches the father again on its own. It can also be helpful for the mother to show the child photos of dad during the day or to talk to him on the phone so that the child can remember the voice in the evening.
