Every child reacts once defiantly. For parents, this is particularly annoying. Some are overwhelmed with the behavior of their child. However, they should remain calm. The defiant phase is a developmental process. Every child goes through it. What it has to do with it and how parents behave properly within this time, readers will learn within the following sections.
Favorite word “no” – what does the defiant phase mean?
As a rule, the child’s defiant phase begins with the 2nd year of life and slowly fades away after reaching the 4th year of life. Earlier generations used the word ‘defiance’ for a negative behavior of the child. In the meantime, the phase can be scientifically substantiated. The child goes through an important self-assertion phase during this time. Based on this knowledge, the defiance phase is now also called the autonomy phase. The defiance phase is connected with the child’s language development. During this phase, the child asks a particularly large number of questions. Children are already subject to the judgments of adults. If questions are answered with “yes,” this gives the child a positive feeling. Conversely, answers with “no” lead to negative emotions. The logical part of the child’s brain is not active during a stress reaction. Conversation with the child becomes impossible. Defiant behavior ensues.
When the child rages
Defiant behavior is unpleasant for parents. Especially in the supermarket or in public places. Bystanders look critically. They suspect bad parenting behind the child’s behavior. This critical observation by others reduces parental self-esteem and increases their own anger towards the child. As a result, parents overreact. A circumstance that leads to further fits of defiance. As a rule, the child always wants what parents deny. It tests its limits.
How can parents deal with it
An efficient method is the formation of concise sentences. In his phase of defiance, the left hemisphere of the child’s brain does not function as usual. Said things should be repeated. The child’s behavior must be brought to his attention. In this way, it can usually be distracted relatively quickly. In many cases, consolation is appropriate. The child does not feel well and needs the love of his parents. It is appropriate to suggest understanding.
Stay relaxed
Many parents are tense when the defiant phase occurs. They fear the reaction of the outside world and try to prevent the outbreak of tantrums in the child. Children have very good perception. They notice the inner turmoil of the parents. This also causes them to feel uneasy. As a result of their insecurity, they continue to behave defiantly. Parents must remain calm. They should not be influenced by the outside world. All parents know these conditions. The child’s behavior is not due to their own inadequacies. It is biological and cannot be eliminated even with the best education.
The child needs the closeness of the parents
Parents must not take the child’s behavior personally. They must always give the child the love he is used to – even in this phase. The child should be able to feel parental closeness. Together, the phase can be mastered. A child needs a helping hand. It has hardly any experience and is in a learning phase. Parents are allowed to go on a journey of discovery with their offspring, take him seriously and take the child in their arms.
Insist on the most necessary rules
Every individual has his own will. This must be respected. However, it is not possible to respond to every wish of the child. In this case, the most necessary rules must be followed. The child must know its limits. These must be made clear. Those who are inconsistent with this will have a child with permanently defiant behavior.
Scolding does little good
Some parents are absolutely overwhelmed when the child has tantrums. They yell at or scold their child. Tempers flare. In this situation, there can be no agreement. It is necessary to remain calm. If you stay calm, you will also be able to calm the child. After a while, the agitation subsides. This approach can lead to great success. In the process, parents spare the child and lower their own stress level. The use of force should be avoided at all costs.
The struggle for autonomy
Actually, the defiant phase represents a positive development. It is the first step towards the child’s autonomy. At it, the character and will of the child can be recognized for the first time. The offspring grows into an independent being. He rebels against the determination of laws and behaviors of the parents. During this time, the development of the child’s own self must be encouraged. In this way, it grows into a self-confident person who can later assert himself in public. This process is of enormous importance, especially for the school years. Those who sit anxiously in the corner and do not dare to say anything will be ostracized. During the defiant phase, parents lay the foundation for the child’s entire development. They can positively influence this stage of development. To do so, they must learn to understand the child and take his or her wishes seriously.
