Duration

The duration of the heartache is just as variable and dependent on the individual person as the experience and processing of the grief. Rules of thumb like “half as long as the relationship” or “twice as long as the relationship” are not really reliable for the individual. On the Internet, the so-called “ex-formula” is circulating, which is supposed to calculate the exact time of grief.

It takes into account the length of the relationship, the intensity of the feelings, the number of nights spent together per week, the degree of remaining contact, the own self-esteem and other factors. This calculation is also in no way meaningful, but it at least takes into account the complexity of the influencing circumstances. It can therefore only be said that the duration of the heartache depends on too many individual factors to make a reliable prediction.

Depression with lovesickness

The symptoms of depression coincide with the symptoms of lovesickness in an astonishing number of areas. Loss of joy and drive, sadness, concentration problems, sleep problems, lack of appetite and many more are found in both disorders. In the case of depression, however, neurobiological mechanisms come into play, such as a change in the messenger system in the brain.

This is especially true of the happiness and drive hormones dopamine and serotonin. In some depression patients, however, there are also structural differences in the brain. In contrast to lovesickness, depression may not disappear over time and professional help may be needed.

Very few people slip into a depression just like that, but have experienced a traumatic event such as the death of a loved one. A separation is very similar for the brain, because a loved one suddenly disappears from one’s life. Lovesickness can therefore, if it is very intense or lasts for a very long time, turn into a pathological depression, especially if the person has other psychological burdens and is exposed to stress factors. Unfortunately, there are too few scientific studies on lovesickness as a trigger for depression to be able to draw more precise conclusions.