From Dialogue: the Art of Having Good Conversations

Communication has always been – and still is – an important part of the exchange between two people. However, not every conversation is a true dialogue. What characterizes a good conversation and what are the prerequisites for it? The American linguists George Lakoff and Mark Johnson describe a genuine dialogue, i.e. an exchange between two people, thus: “Let’s imagine a culture in which arguments are seen as dances and the participants as dancers, and the goal is to dance in a balanced, aesthetically pleasing way.” Nietzsche had also recognized this: “Only with two does truth begin.”

Monologue versus dialogue

Only when we weave conversations, only then do we enter the realm of knowledge. Only then do we create a shared reality. Genuine communication aimed at understanding is thus first and foremost a question of inner attitude. This inner attitude can be better grasped if we consider the word pair “monologue – dialogue”. Monologue means, according to the word, soliloquy, dialogue means intercommunication, or even better: dialogue between two people.

No one knows the whole truth

The inner, dialogical attitude here means: understanding the other person’s point of view better through attentive listening. As Max Frisch says, “Any attempt to communicate can succeed only with the goodwill of the other.” Understanding is an epistemological problem, but above all it is an emotional-psychic problem that has much to do with wanting to understand. A truly dialogical attitude also assumes that the individual can only ever perceive a section of reality.

It means recognizing the fundamental difference between two people in their perception and evaluation of what is “real” and making this the starting point of the conversation. The contribution of the other person to the conversation is then, from this attitude, an opportunity – although or precisely because it does not agree with one’s own view of things – an enrichment.

Tips for leading a conversation in a dialogue

  • At the other, so to speak, “to be a guest” and be enriched by him quite consciously.
  • Let the other experience that he can present his perspectives, that he is heard, that he is not contradicted.
  • Ask more questions than have answers ready.
  • Openness to alternative courses of action. Maybe there is, in addition to the alternative A and B also a possibility C.
  • Do not try to persuade the other that only you are right.

The goal of a dialogue

There is no doubt that in the search for ways to creatively resolve conflicts and problems, a one-sided position is a major stumbling block. Most people want certainty and truth. What we need, however, is consensus in dissent. But when can you now be sure that the conversation was a true dialogue? When you come out of the conversation different than you went in. Because that’s what dialogue is all about: Everyone wins and is enriched.