A person who is self-confident is confident in his or her abilities. The self-confidence is expressed by the self-assured appearance. Accordingly, the outward self-confident behavior reflects the inner subjective self-esteem of the person acting.
What is low self-esteem?
The term self-confidence represents our own internal assessment with regard to our personality, abilities, talents, strengths and weaknesses. Low self-esteem often expresses itself in loud and flamboyant behavior. In the outside world, this creates the facade of a supposedly self-confident person. A person with low self-esteem is tormented by inferiority complexes, which result in a lack of self-esteem and inner insecurity. Nevertheless, not every loud or flashy behavior has to mean low self-esteem. There may actually be a strong person behind it. Likewise, an inconspicuous and unassuming person can also have a strong sense of self.
Causes
The reasons for low self-confidence can have various causes. The majority of psychologists believe that a healthy self-esteem must be independent of external influences. However, the individual needs of a person, which depend on external factors, cannot be ignored. According to Maslow’s pyramid of needs, these include success, recognition, esteem and respect that fellow human beings can have for each other. The fulfillment of individual needs or the lack of them depends predominantly on the image of imprinting in the childhood of a person. Already in the first years of life the autonomy phase begins in small children. If this is suppressed, it can no longer develop. In severe cases, this can lead to a pathological feeling of low self-worth in adulthood, which can cause anxiety when confronting everyday things. A child who is only criticized in parenting learns to see himself or herself as out of order. Often children make mistakes in the eyes of parents, which are immediately transformed into a judgment of the child’s overall personality. As a result of verbalizing only negative criticism based on a mistake, a child cannot develop a healthy self-esteem. The constant failure to receive praise and recognition ultimately leads to inferiority complexes even in childhood. The permanent enforced blind adherence to rules and boundaries later leads to an inability to self-reflect because insight into one’s own actions through a healthy relationship building between parent and child has not taken place. Later experiences in adulthood may also be the cause of low self-esteem. The loss of self-esteem may occur in a partnership with a narcissist or in everyday professional life when there is a lack of successes. The lack of successes often entails lack of recognition. The self is often defined by the person suffering from low self-esteem only in terms of achievement, if that is how that person has been taught. People suffering from low self-esteem lack the ability to face themselves with respect. This results in disrespectful behavior toward fellow human beings. A person who received too little attention as a child, for example, will later vie for it in a behaviorally conspicuous manner. In extreme cases, this resembles an addiction.
Symptoms, complaints and signs
A person suffering from a lack of self-esteem is often envious of the successes of others. This leads to deliberately not expressing praise to fellow people in order to psychologically destabilize them. By psychologically destabilizing fellow human beings, the destabilizer and sufferer of low self-esteem makes himself “great” from a subjective point of view. The success of other fellow human beings can be perceived as a direct threat by a person with low self-esteem. This is especially the case when these people are in the immediate environment, be it a work colleague or a sibling. People who skillfully disguise their low self-esteem from the outside world have a poor ability to develop tolerance for mistakes made. Failure is quickly verbalized negatively and in some cases even brutally.Direct confrontation is often used as a preventive measure so that the attacked counterpart is prevented from questioning the person suffering from low self-esteem. Other opinions are basically seen as a direct attack on the person or subjectively as an attack on one’s own existence. Hatred and vindictiveness can therefore be the result in a person with low self-esteem. However, there are also people who live their low self-esteem quietly. Whereas, there are also people who are quiet, but still self-confident. In the first case, these people often show many behavioral problems. They often withdraw and are afraid of everyday or unfamiliar situations in which they fear being judged by others. This fear can reach the level of complete seclusion. Situations are consciously avoided in which the sufferer of low self-esteem might be the center of attention. The fear of negative judgment is too great. This type of person goes through life feeling insecure, while they have no confidence in themselves in both their personal and professional lives. Everyday situations overwhelm them beyond measure. It is difficult for these people to make decisions. This inability to make decisions can lead to pathological procrastination. In this case we can speak of a disorder. Procrastination is then no longer based on bad time management, failed organization or laziness. It grows from the roots of fear of failure.
Complications
The behaviors highlighted can lead to serious complications. These complications extend into all areas of daily life. Accordingly, low self-esteem can lead to severe depression. There are people who in these cases start to direct their inner aggressions against themselves. Self-harm or even suicide can be the result. But also a complete isolation from the outside world can be a consequence. Serious pathological personality disorders can develop from this. Dangerous for the silent type are relationships in which the partner abuses the low self-confidence of his counterpart for the purpose of exercising power. A person with low self-esteem becomes a victim who does not know how to defend himself. In extreme cases, the affected person finds himself in a hopeless situation from his subjective point of view. The failure of autonomy, which may have already begun in childhood, is continued in the relationship. Unconsciously, this kind of person suffering from feelings of inferiority looks for a partner who will give him back what he was already used to in childhood. In private as well as professional life, people without self-esteem are often perceived as a burden. In the professional world they can either torment their fellow men by their manner and harm the company or they hinder the work by permanent inability to make decisions. In one as well as in the other direction, far-reaching complications can arise, which can affect the lives of other people. Especially at the management level, people suffering from narcissism, who try to cover up their low self-esteem to the outside world, are a problem for many employees. The grandiose “ME” who pays homage to himself out of inferiority complexes can – in the position of a manager – cause employees to quit their jobs and thus give up a secure job. In the long run, such behavior can only harm the entire company. People who deny their sense of inferiority to themselves in a pathological way do not get the idea to seek treatment because they do not perceive themselves as mentally ill. They feel that their addiction to attention is the right thing to do. For the damage they do, they evade responsibility by blaming others. The lack of ability to self-reflect prevents the possibility of psychological treatment.
When should you see a doctor?
Feelings of inferiority can cause severe depression. In this case, professional help in the form of psychotherapeutic treatment is required. This can be done in combination with drug treatment. However, only a doctor or psychiatrist is allowed to prescribe medication. The psychologist, on the other hand, is not a doctor and cannot issue prescription drugs.Lack of self-awareness can lead to toleration of constant boundary violations towards one’s self. If an affected person is abused in this way by a power-hungry person, qualified help is necessary even then to help separate the dangerous couple combination. Only after that, the gradual regaining of self-esteem can be tackled. In the case of complete mental paralysis due to insufficient self-esteem, day clinics are available that offer psychological therapy in a group setting. If the affected person remains intrinsically viable and is able to manage daily life well, professional help may not be necessary. If the person suffering from low self-esteem manages to muster the will to change something, he or she may be able to help themselves in the form of their own research and daily exercises. If it is a narcissistic personality, there is a successful treatment option only if this person can consciously perceive himself as a narcissist.
Diagnosis
A diagnosis can be made through psychoanalysis. Patients often suffer from secondary symptoms, such as depression, anxiety or panic. In the course of therapeutic treatment, the therapist filters out the actual problem. However, depression is always based on several factors. One factor can be too low self-esteem. The problems that arise in the course of life often mask the real causes. To get an initial overview, some psychologists distribute a questionnaire to patients during the first session. However, therapy approaches may differ among diverse psychologists in this regard. Over several sessions, certain problems and their causes can be filtered out.
Treatment and therapy
In severe cases, there is the possibility of getting a place in a day clinic. There, the affected person receives psychotherapeutic help from qualified staff. Therapy is also provided in a day clinic in a group. The affected person will have to present himself for this beforehand. In order to treat the problem specifically, individual therapy may seem more appropriate. Not every person is suitable for therapy within a group. Especially people who have become delicate and sensitive minds due to their little or non-existent self-esteem may not be suitable for a group. Self-awareness and will may already be the first steps if the person is strong enough to treat himself and has recognized his problem. If the person with too little self-confidence does not have the courage to talk about his problem in front of another person, appropriate literature about self-confidence can also help. The manifestations caused by too little self-esteem can appear externally in many different ways. Often, the after-effects, such as depression, are treated with medication.
Outlook and prognosis
The outlook and prognosis for people with low self-esteem are not bad, unless other serious personality disorders have already arisen from it and need to be treated. Self-esteem can be learned and developed. This includes actively learning self-reflection and recognizing one’s own weaknesses and strengths. A shift in emphasis of subjective focus to a positive mindset can also be learned. However, developing self-awareness takes time. Nevertheless, gaining a strong sense of self is not impossible. Psychotherapeutic treatment can give the right approach to transform mental weaknesses into strengths. The affected person himself is required to cooperate in the therapy and to advance the healing process by his own will.
Prevention
There can be prevention initially by the parents of a child. Parents should be aware that imprinting occurs during the first seven years of child development. This imprinting accompanies the growing child throughout his or her life and will influence every subsequent action. Proper handling of a child’s autonomy phase and transferring responsibility to the child, strengthens the sense of responsibility. The evaluation of a faulty behavior should not be directly evaluated as a faulty personality. In this way, the child is given a false image of himself.Understanding and a healthy relationship building between parents and child promote the self-confidence of a growing child. If there is already a lack of self-confidence, it can no longer be prevented.
Aftercare
Once self-esteem boosting therapy has taken place, a certain amount of aftercare should be followed. This aftercare serves to avoid setbacks. Especially when a patient is on the mend, therapy sessions should not be completely suspended at the beginning. In order to strengthen self-esteem in the long run, it takes a lot of patience and strength. A good strength is the professional help, the people trained in the field. Many affected people think that after a therapy they have overcome the disease or even manage without professional help. It is forgotten that even a small misunderstanding can cause a setback. This is exactly why it is important, especially when self-esteem is low, to seek further therapy. If this is not followed, consequences such as suicidal thoughts or major depression can occur. This is exactly why it is important to follow a specific aftercare in case of low self-esteem even after the therapy is still connected. The family can also be a good support and help in coping with the disease. It can give the affected person support and help them on the further road to recovery. If necessary, the hours can simply be decreased and therapy continued until the person being treated is quite sure that he or she no longer needs support.
Here’s what you can do yourself
In order for healthy self-esteem to develop, there should be a shift in focus in one’s mindset. Many people who suffer from low self-confidence focus on negative experiences and predict the same for their future. Therefore, learning positive thinking patterns is necessary. Even with very simple exercises, self-confidence can develop. Already in the posture of a person can be read a lot. Drawn shoulders, a downward directed look and a bent posture are not the signs of a strong self-confidence. The opposite would be true here. Even in a physical change, however, a different attitude toward life can emerge. An upright walk and a forward looking gaze are already the first right steps on the way to a healthy self-esteem. If there are preferences for a certain thing, these can be used through a reward system. This increases the motivation to actually complete a task. Through self-reflection, the affected person can become more critical of himself and more tolerant of other people. What once felt like a constant battle against oneself and others can therefore evolve into a peaceful existence with a strong sense of self.
