Parents and ADS
In order to call oneself – as often mentioned – the “coach” of an ADD child, the actual problems (of the child) have to be analysed and evaluated. Furthermore, since every problem is individual as such and certainly not only domestic support is sufficient, each therapy must be individually designed. For this reason, it is not possible to list individual parental measures here.
In the following you will find some tips on how parents deal with ADHD. As the child’s behaviour should be observed over a period of about six months and help to ensure that ADHD is only diagnosed if the child repeatedly displays the corresponding behaviour over a certain period of time (about six months) and in several areas of life. Therefore, first of all ask yourself the following questions: First of all, a personal assessment of the situation and an analysis of all stress triggering factors is carried out.
First steps can be taken together with a counselling centre and/or together with the treating doctor. A “manual” is developed which defines which rules apply and which measures should be taken. NOTE:
- Critical assessment of the situation
- Parents must cooperate with the therapy and are jointly responsible for its success.
- Formulate clear and understandable rules, which are discussed together with the child and aim to improve and change the behaviour shown. – Praise and support your child – whenever possible! – Set the cooperation of all those involved in the upbringing as a goal to avoid childish confusion in the sense of: “hmmm, there I may do what I cannot do there… ” in advance.
- Which situations trigger the behaviour of my child? – Are there things that I evaluate positively about my child? – Are there actually clear rules at home?
Do I really make sure that they are followed? It would be too easy and therefore it quickly becomes clear: a therapy cannot start with a therapist and/or regulate itself by taking tablets alone. These mentioned measures together with other measures form the cornerstones, the framework so to speak.
The home environment and the measures taken there to make it easier to cope with ADHD are an essential part of the (co)design of the therapy, which gives the parents and their support of the ADHD child in the home environment a very important task. Since this task can also be very difficult – this is almost always told by affected parents – the family situation is very often heavily burdened. In order to prevent this from happening (so quickly), there are various institutions that support the parents with advice and assistance.
Primarily, no other rules apply to the education of attention-deficicient children than to the education of children in general. These include, among others: In the following some remarks on the education of children in general, regardless of whether an attention deficit is present or not. :
- Not everything that a child would like to have, it must necessarily receive!
- A clear, certain contact enables the child to understand where it stands. – Changeable behaviour on the part of adults, including disagreement in the parent’s educational style, confuses the child. Sooner or later he will take advantage of this!
- Let your child do everything that he can do on his own. Do not take the tasks from him! Help only if help is needed.
A child grows with such tasks. – Little aches and pains do not require special attention. Do not pay too much attention to such little things, otherwise every “little thing” becomes a big drama!
- Praise honestly. Your child grows through praise, but it has to be meant honestly and not at every little thing. It then becomes worthless.
- Criticize when criticism is appropriate. Make sure you use a nice tone. NOT: “What does it look like!!!
You can do better than that! “, SPECIALLY: “Look, maybe you can do better here by … ”
- Try to answer questions honestly and sincerely. Explain wherever explanations are requested.
- Depending on the parents’ profession and the number of siblings, time can sometimes be short. Regardless of this, it always depends on how effectively you learn to use time. Your child has nothing to gain from you if he or she watches television during the time you have time for the child.
A game together, a story read aloud, cuddling together, etc. reflects well used time. Then it is also not bad if there is less time.
Your child will know that you love him or her and that you enjoy spending time with your child. – Through mistakes you learn! If you allow your child to make mistakes, you can help your child with “big” problems and help him or her to get out of “messes”.
- Demand apologies from your child if he or she has not behaved correctly. If you have been unfair, this also applies to you in the same way! – Do not try to clarify mistakes, wrong behaviour, etc.
in a “headmasterly” way. Instead, explain why you are disappointed and what you would have preferred instead of this behaviour. – Do not allow freak out at all.
Turn away if your child “shoots” at you emotionally and raves. It is hard for a child to be left standing in such an extreme situation. Nevertheless: Let it react to you.
With a cool head it talks better! – Setting the rules. – The clear and consistent adherence to rules.
In principle, educational counselling can always be called upon when parents notice that they can no longer cope with their problems on their own and are therefore simply at a loss. Due to the current legal situation, counselling at such institutions is currently free of charge due to the parental legal entitlement to educational counselling. This can be read in the Child and Youth Services Act at the appropriate place.
As already mentioned, educational counselling centres can always be consulted when parents are “at the end of their rope” and – no matter in what respect – are at a loss in educational questions. As a result, the educational counselling centres usually have a very wide range of services to offer parents competent advice and support. It may also be necessary, and in most cases very advisable, for children with ADS to visit educational counselling centres.
Counselling is usually based on an initial interview, during which observations, the problem itself and possible causal assumptions are discussed. Please always be honest and do not gloss over anything. If you and your family are to be helped, this is usually only sufficiently possible if sufficient and specific information is provided.
Do not be afraid of confidential information being leaked. Educational advisors are obliged to maintain secrecy. Only if you agree is it possible to exchange information with other institutions involved in the education of children.
However, always remember this – especially when you look at the various therapy options: A therapy can only be really successful if ALL those involved in the education pull together, i.e. the therapy is “multi-tracked” (multi-conditional, multimodal). Depending on the underlying problem, a detailed diagnosis can prove to be important or indispensable after the initial consultation. In addition to the classic test procedures, this also includes psychological examinations.
But always remember: These are only individual components that are brought together to “build” a holistic therapy. The diagnosis as such is ultimately pronounced by the treating paediatrician. In general, it should be mentioned in conclusion that almost all areas are covered by an educational counselling centre or contact point. As a rule, they are offered by various charitable organisations).