Saying No Has to Be Learned and Creates Respect

Saying no requires patience and practice. But you will see that after some time it is no longer so difficult and can even bring benefits.

Formulate a clear no

Clear announcement: formulate your answer clearly. “I will cover the appointment for you tomorrow, but I will not cover the presentation next Thursday.” Evasive phrases such as “When I get around to it, I might…” or “Let’s see if there’s time for that this afternoon,” encourage misunderstandings, postpone the conflict, and exacerbate it. Your conversation partner senses when you are not serious.

Even small children need these clear messages because they are not yet capable of understanding. Otherwise, at the end of a detailed explanation, there will be a “But I still want to!” If parents compromise with their children and establish rules together, they may also insist on this and should remind them of the agreements. For example, “We’ve discussed it and this applies now.”

Try saying no

Overall, Fischer advises trying out saying no in easy situations. For example, when the butcher at the sausage counter once again puts more on the scale than you want: “Thank you, but I’d only like 100 grams, please.” After all, every success, no matter how small, in everyday situations boosts self-confidence. ln time, even saying no to the boss will be successful.

Despite constant efforts, you don’t always have enough energy to consistently stand your ground. But if you ignore your personal goals too often, you risk mental and psychosomatic illnesses. At the latest then, support is called for to learn how to say no.

A definite no creates respect

The art of saying no is therefore part of various behavioral therapy concepts, for example as part of stress management and self-confidence training. In role plays, group participants practice addressing their own desires or misunderstandings. In simulated situations with fellow sufferers, it is easier to formulate one’s own needs. It becomes more difficult when a real conflict from everyday life is acted out.

The requirements are slowly increased and combined with small homework assignments. Finally, the new skills are put to the test together in real situations. The group goes into the outside world: one person has to complain about a bill at a restaurant, the other has to ask the janitor to repair a water pipe.

Learning to say no in vocational training

Methodical saying no is even part of some professional training. Psychiatrists and psychotherapists must be able to clearly distinguish themselves from unwarranted claims by their patients without losing trusting contact. Special seminars for employees in service professions teach how to reject excessive demands in a friendly but firm manner.

Try to find a balance between yes and no

Do something only if you really stand behind it. This has a relaxing effect in all areas of life: superiors and customers respect people who formulate a refusal in a friendly manner and can also justify it. Friends and family members can also assess you better and approach you if you display a clear attitude.

This is particularly important in a partnership. Especially when forging joint plans for the future, your life partner must be able to rely on you not only saying “yes and amen” but also supporting joint decisions.