Sexuality in old age, especially the sexual life of older women, is a taboo subject in our society attuned to eternal youth. Many women experience aging with a continuous sexual devaluation, accompanied by worries about their own attractiveness, declining performance, various diseases and ailments. In addition, women are affected by society’s “double standard of aging,” which means that unlike men, women are perceived as unattractive, old, and asexual at an earlier age. Hormonal changes with the onset of menopause, as well as an increase in general illnesses, have been predominantly blamed for the changes in sexual life. But what the quality and quantity of female sexuality after menopause depends on is an involuntarily guarded secret of many women. Medical psychologist Dr. Beate Schultz-Zehden from the Benjamin Franklin Campus of Berlin’s Charité University Hospital has set out to uncover this secret.
Lust and frustration
The fact that men’s desire for sex hardly decreases with age is better known than the fact that women also have sexual interests and needs as they age. Women remain sexually pleasurable and orgasmic well into old age, although a decline in libido and sexual activity with increasing age seems undisputed. Until now, this has been attributed to changes during hormonal transition processes. A number of other causes may also be partly responsible, not only physical but mainly psychological and sociological, or related to partnership in general. Older people sometimes experience sexual needs as shameful or as inappropriate, especially when the partner has age-related difficulties. Although satisfying contact would be possible for both partners, the lack of conversation between partners sometimes leads to the complete abandonment of sexual encounters.
The spectrum of needs
In a representative survey, 521 women between the ages of 50 and 70 anonymously answered an extensive questionnaire about sexuality. This nationwide survey not only recorded the current sexual life of women of older age, but also asked about changes in lived sexuality. The results of the survey refuted the widespread view that sexual desire decreases significantly with the onset of hormonal changes. Instead, the spectrum of sexual needs ranges from a daily desire for sexual contact to complete rejection. Between the ages of 50 and 60, the women surveyed desire sex several times a month on average, whereas between the ages of 65 and 70, half of all women no longer want sexual relations at all. However, the desire for sexual contact was greater than the sexuality actually experienced. Existing sexual needs thus remain unsatisfied for some women. How women deal with sexuality in old age certainly also depends on their individual biographies. With increasing age, not only the frequency but also the number of women having sexual intercourse decreases. For example, a quarter of 50- to 55-year-olds say they do not experience active sexual intercourse; among 65- to 70-year-olds, the figure was already 66 percent. At this age, only one in three women say they are sexually active.
Dwindling desire in old age?
A wide variety of reasons exist for this: Many women live without a partner and the possibility of finding a new partner is difficult in many respects, since men usually die earlier and only one third of women living alone are still willing to commit themselves again. In addition, illness, the loss of a partner, and general relationship problems reduce women’s libido – with the result that some women remain unsatisfied in their sexual relationships. Some women use aging to free themselves from commitment to sexual activity: Over the years, some form of partnership wear and tear has occurred, or they have engaged in sexual intercourse for years without desire and are now taking the liberty of sexual denial.
Altered experienced sexuality
Both sexual desire and a satisfying sex life – it can be concluded from the survey – correlate with the quality of the partnership and with the quality of the sex life in earlier years, with satisfaction in sexuality being made dependent not primarily on the quantity of activities but on the quality of the sexual encounter. While the frequency of sexual intercourse decreases in importance with age, the importance of tenderness in sexuality increases, also in terms of developing sexual desire.
New freedoms
Some women feel freer in their sexuality due to reliefs of menopause. The elimination of monthly periods and menstrual hygiene, freedom from contraceptive problems and fear of unwanted pregnancies reinvigorate sexual life, as does the departure of children from the parental home. These women have more time, enjoy spontaneity in sexuality and no longer have to be considerate of their children. A partnership that is considered happy and few sexual problems in the past also play an important role, since a woman who has learned to manage her sex life satisfactorily in the past is more likely to enjoy it even as she grows older. The study provides evidence that changes may have occurred in women’s sexual behavior. A smaller group of so-called “sexually emancipated” women between 50 and 65 were found to report extremely fulfilling and satisfying sex lives. They are particularly sexually active, in some cases taking the initiative in their sex lives more often than their partner, and also increasingly taking on an active role instead of the passive part.
Lack of counseling
Unfortunately, there is currently still a lack of sufficient counseling services specifically for older women. Many offers are aimed specifically at younger women, for example, when it comes to questions about pregnancy or abortion. However, gynecologists can be important contacts for older women in particular. But only about one in four women who still visit a gynecologist at all in the age group studied talk openly about sexual issues, and in the majority of cases it is the women themselves who bring up the subject.
