Stillbirths are unfortunately not a rarity. Again and again, medical professionals have to explain to expectant parents not to hear a heartbeat of the child. A situation that is incredibly difficult to process and cope with.
How is stillbirth defined?
If it is determined after the 22nd week of pregnancy that the child no longer has a heartbeat and the birth weight is at least 500 grams, it is called a stillbirth. The “star child” may be given a name; also follows an entry in the death register. Children who die before the 22nd week of pregnancy and have a birth weight of less than 500 grams are miscarriages. However, parents have the right to have their star children entered in a death book as well.
Unexpected or with signs: when stillbirth occurs
Bleeding, lack of fetal movement or abdominal pain may be the first signs that something is wrong with the growing fetus. During the ultrasound examination, the sad certainty comes – the baby is dead. But there do not always have to be signs. Often everything goes according to plan before the doctor finds out during the ultrasound examination that there is no more fetal movement. Sometimes, a severe disability may also be diagnosed, leading to the need to initiate fetocide – the planned killing of the child – because the child is not viable. In the end, all scenarios end with the sad certainty that the beloved baby must be stillborn.
Causes of stillbirth
The question of why the child died torments all parents. An answer is often important for the grieving process and also for processing; in many cases, parents cannot come to terms with the death of the unborn until they know the reason and the cause. The reasons are manifold. Disturbances or also circulatory disturbances of the placenta, a premature detachment of the placenta or also oxygen deficiency, infections, an insufficient supply via the umbilical cord are possible. Fetal malformations can also cause the child to be stillborn. Answering the question of why the baby died can also help plan subsequent pregnancies.
The “silent birth”
“Silent birth” describes a distinctly special delivery. If a mother delivers her baby “still,” the newborn’s cry is absent. If the child has died in the womb, it is either possible to wait for labor to begin or it is also possible to induce labor artificially. In “stillbirth”, the parents are cared for by doctors as well as obstetricians and accompanied during this difficult time. Only in a few cases are stillborn children delivered by cesarean section (for example, if the water has broken or there are serious infections). Even if the “silent birth” is perceived as an “abnormal delivery”, frightened or even irritated, the process makes it easier to say goodbye to the dead child. Finally, the parents have the opportunity to say goodbye to their child, can hold it in their arms and also – as a souvenir – take photos. Handprints or footprints are also possible and can be kept as mementos.
Postpartum care after stillbirth
Whether “silent birth” or cesarean section – after the stillbirth follows the puerperium and a difficult time, which must endure not only the mother, but also the father. The body does not know the difference between a live birth and a stillbirth and begins with the afterpains; milk production also begins. During this time, midwives are the first point of contact. They help with physical as well as emotional problems and provide helpful information about any postpartum regression courses, which are only taken by women who have suffered a stillbirth. Midwives also know how milk production can be stopped or can also give advice on how to better cope with grief.
Saying goodbye: which ritual is best?
It is important that parents, siblings and also relatives say goodbye. Whether at the hospital or directly at the funeral home, saying goodbye helps with the grieving process. The dead child can be buried either in the family grave or also in a separate child grave. Burial in the ground or cremation is possible; the child can also be buried outside the cemetery, for example in a burial at sea or in a tree grave.
Grieving time after stillbirth – help with processing.
Everyone, no matter if mother, father, the siblings, relatives or friends who were looking forward to the child, grieves after learning that the baby had to be delivered dead. But each person grieves differently and for themselves. Whether in silence, in tears, with loud wailing or with a retreat lasting several days – in the end it is important to give yourself enough time to grieve and process what you have experienced. Then it is easier to look ahead again. Professional help should also be sought during this time. So-called grief counseling helps people to cope better with the loss. Various self-help groups are also available to help people come to terms with their grief. Couples not only have to cope with the loss, but also get over the situation together. It is important to meet each other with openness and honesty and also to accept the nature of the grief – even if there are sometimes differences here. Only when both partners are able to grieve can the process be completed and possibly both can also engage in a subsequent pregnancy. If the woman gives birth to a healthy child after a stillbirth, this is called a “subsequent miracle.”