Symptoms -> What Borderline is and how to deal with it | Borderline Syndrome – Information for relatives

Symptoms -> What Borderline is and how to deal with it

In order for a relative to understand a patient with borderline syndrome, one should know roughly what is going on in the patient and how he or she feels. Of course, you cannot empathize with every action of the patient, but if a relative has a rough idea of what borderline syndrome means to the patient, he or she can be much more sympathetic (empathetic) to the patient and also understand that as a relative of a borderline patient you are sometimes powerless. Patients with a borderline syndrome usually have a very low self-esteem and take their own self very distorted.

This can lead to them hurting themselves or they can have a completely exaggerated picture of their own ego the next moment. These identity disorders are often difficult for relatives of borderline patients to bear, especially if the patient does something to himself, for example, slashes his forearm or thigh with small cuts. Also suddenly occurring strong aggressions or strong fears can unsettle the relatives and cause them to show less and less understanding for the patient with the borderline disorder.

Since many patients first develop these symptoms during puberty, it is often difficult for parents to distinguish what can now be dismissed as puberty and when professional help should be sought. As a relative of a borderline patient it is important to deal with the symptoms openly and respectfully. Borderline syndrome is a psychological illness that requires action just as much as high blood pressure, for example.

However, it is important to know that, unlike high blood pressure for example, there is no complete cure for borderline syndrome. Nevertheless, the patients can learn to live with the disease and to control it to such an extent that it is not difficult for the relatives to live together with a patient with borderline syndrome. However, it is important to remember that the treatment of borderline syndrome is not a few tablets alone, but a long process that requires a lot of strength from the patient and relatives. Therefore, it is always important to communicate openly with each other and above all, the relative should remember that he or she also has needs and may be overwhelmed with some situations. Here it is very helpful if the relative of the patient with a borderline syndrome also seeks psychological or psychiatric help.

What can you do as a family member?

As a relative of a patient with Borderline Syndrome, one often has the feeling that one can only stand helplessly by. Many situations overstrain you and you are afraid that the patient will not become “normal” again. As a relative it is therefore important to seek help.

The help of a psychologist is best suited here, as he or she is well trained in talk therapy and can give important advice. Self-help groups or forums can also be very helpful. However, it is just as important not to forget your own life and to think about yourself.

A relative who only supports the patient with Borderline Syndrome and is always there to intercept everything is neither for himself nor for the patient an optimal help. It is also extremely important not to react hysterically or panicky to the patient, even if the patient cuts himself. Here it is important to act quite rationally and only send the patient to a doctor who will take care of the wounds.

The psychiatrist should then analyse with the patient exactly how it could have come to this, but this is not the task of the relatives. It is important for the relative to always remain calm and not to panic, even if this is difficult. At the same time the patient’s symptoms should be taken seriously.

At the latest when a patient repeatedly inflicts deep cuts or the like on himself or even reports suicidal thoughts, the help of a psychiatrist should be sought urgently in a hospital ward where the patient is treated and monitored as an inpatient over a longer period of time. Here it can also help to accompany the patient as a relative to some conversations with the patient, as one can better understand the problem. It is also important to know that the symptoms, so-called recurrences, are always getting worse.

Here it is important not to relate the patient’s behaviour to himself. Rather, the relative of a patient with Bordeline Syndrome must always be aware that aggression or exaggerated fears are also part of the disease, and as a relative one should try to understand these emotions of the patient and not rationalise them. However, as a relative, you should also be allowed to allow negative emotions and admit to yourself that sometimes you just don’t know what to do.

Here it is important that you gain some distance yourself. Every patient is responsible for himself, this is especially true in the case of mental illness. The relatives must know that they cannot save the patient with borderline syndrome, only the patient himself can do that.

At the same time one should try to accept the diversity of the other person. As a relative one cannot understand what is going on in the patient with borderline syndrome and this is difficult to accept at first. However, it is important not to apply one’s own rational standards, but rather to accept that every person is different and decides for himself how he wants to live his life.