Loneliness: What helps?

Brief overview: Loneliness

  • What helps against loneliness? e.g. self-care, structuring of everyday life, meaningful occupation, gradual contact with others, psychological help if necessary, medication
  • What each individual can do for lonely people: pay attention to other people; especially give time and attention to elderly, frail or immobile people in one’s own environment.
  • Where does loneliness come from? Usually from a combination of several factors, e.g. certain character traits, poor quality social ties, bad experiences, social circumstances, critical phases in life.
  • Can loneliness make people ill? With chronic loneliness, increased risk of cardiovascular disease, sleep disorders, dementia, depression, anxiety and obsessive-compulsive disorders, and suicidal thoughts.

What helps against loneliness?

There can be different ways to get out of loneliness, especially in combination. The following steps are especially important:

Self-care – rediscovering the joy of life

  • Make yourself a pleasure, fulfill a wish.
  • Find a hobby that you enjoy or revive a neglected hobby.
  • Take care of yourself and listen to your needs.
  • Do not neglect your personal hygiene, eat healthy and exercise regularly in the fresh air.
  • Meet yourself with kindness and compassion. Start to like yourself.

This can give you a bit of vitality in your everyday life without having to rely on intensive contact from the outside.

Create structure

Taking small steps to get in touch with other people

What can you do when you are alone? In small steps you can try to get back into contact with people. Especially in the corona crisis, where direct human contact is to be reduced for a certain time, you can make good use of the technical communication possibilities to fight your loneliness:

Of course, there is also the possibility of meeting people virtually, in social networks or chat groups you can exchange ideas with people who share your interests and hobbies. Especially in times of self-isolation, this is very helpful.

Even in the corona crisis, it is permissible, for example, to smile at other walkers when you go for a walk. If you receive a smile back, you may gain courage and start a conversation with people from your daily life, such as your neighbors – in the stairwell or over the garden fence. A few words are often enough to get you started.

  • You can meet like-minded people, for example, in courses at the adult education center or in sports groups, learn a new language or further your education in your field of interest.
  • Taking on a volunteer position is doubly effective: you experience the satisfying feeling of being needed and helping others, and you can make new contacts at the same time.

Getting help

If you want to confide in someone and don’t know where to turn, you can start by calling the telephone counselling service. There you will find people who can listen to you attentively and actively and give you valuable advice. Self-help groups are also a good place to start.

Overcoming loneliness in old age

At an older age, it is also more difficult to make new contacts, and friendships are harder to form. But even at this age, there are ways to connect with others:

  • If you can, take advantage of virtual opportunities such as chat groups or social networking sites.
  • Stay in touch or make contact with younger relatives via short message services or video calls.
  • If possible, live out your hobbies or find new ones.
  • Educate yourself further, e.g. with a study in old age or with a language course – meanwhile there are also online offers.
  • Even small activities help: For example, suggest to a neighbor that you go for a walk together.
  • Make use of senior citizen meetings in your community.
  • If your physical condition allows it, join a hiking group or a club.

What each individual can do for the lonely

It is important that we look out for each other. Not every person living alone, young or old, is lonely. However, if someone complains of loneliness, we need to take it seriously. It could be a warning sign of incipient depression. Then we should be there for that person and take time for them.

Tip. When direct contact is safely possible again, we should visit our elderly, frail relatives and acquaintances and give them some of our time.

They accompany people to the doctor, the hairdresser, the pharmacy or the bank, for example, and help with shopping. In addition, many visiting services offer joint activities such as walks and excursions (e.g. accompaniment to events, museums or cafés). Many associations also visit elderly, sick and lonely people in hospitals or nursing homes.

Loneliness: symptoms

The definition of loneliness is the feeling of being left out, lack of belonging, and emotional isolation. Typical feelings of loneliness include sadness, dejection, helplessness, hopelessness, boredom, inner emptiness, self-pity, longing, and despair.

Subjective feeling

Conversely, even people with many social contacts in family, work, school or social institutions can feel lonely.

Social contacts sorely missed

Common characteristics of lonely people

Common traits exhibited by lonely people include the following:

  • See themselves very differently than other people would describe them,
  • are very self-critical
  • pay more attention to failures than successes,
  • justify themselves defensively,
  • are afraid of rejection,
  • devalue their counterparts,
  • over-adapt,
  • quickly withdraw into themselves,
  • are introverted or have less well-developed social skills,

However, these characteristics do not necessarily lead to loneliness! Qualitatively high-quality social connections and support nets can catch these people.

Conversely, people with completely different character traits are often lonely as well. This can happen, for example, if they lack such networks or have had drastic negative experiences in dealing with other people.

Chronic loneliness

Where does loneliness come from?

Loneliness does not necessarily arise when good social relationships become fewer or even absent. Some people are also satisfied with few contacts.

Loneliness develops when we are involuntarily alone or feel that the existing social relationships and contacts are not enough. At the same time, lonely people are often ashamed of their situation, which can drive them even further into withdrawal and resignation.

Factors that can trigger loneliness

Single-person households

Aging of society

Thanks to our good medical care, people are getting older and older. At the same time, the birth and marriage rates are falling. The elderly are often not necessarily involved in the family because relatives live in other cities, for example, or attach little importance to close family contacts.

In addition, especially in old age, poverty or health problems make it difficult for people living alone to participate in public life.

Changed communication behavior

Communication is changing as a result of social media. Some people communicate actively with virtual contacts, but their direct contacts with real people are often lost as a result.

Conversely, some people find new contacts via the Internet that can develop into love relationships, friendships or professional partnerships in the real world.

Only children

Unemployment or change to retirement (pension).

If the job falls away, colleagues and a structured daily routine are suddenly missing. At the same time, those affected have to limit themselves financially, which is why they withdraw even more. In the long term, this can lead to loneliness.

Diseases

Chronic illnesses, cancer, depression, psychotic disorders and dementia in particular can make those affected feel lonely.

Critical phases of life

Bad experiences

In some cases, loneliness is also self-protection because people have had bad experiences with society. For example, someone who is bullied, is on the boss’s hit list (bossing), or has other experiences of exclusion may become lonely.

Exceptional circumstances

Can loneliness make you sick?

Do people get sick from loneliness or can people even die from loneliness? Fact is – chronically lonely people have a higher risk of:

  • chronic stress
  • Cardiovascular disease
  • Sleep disorders
  • Dementia
  • Depression
  • anxiety and obsessive-compulsive disorders
  • Suicidal ideation

As health data show, lonely people also visit a doctor more often and are more frequently in inpatient treatment – among other things due to psychosomatic illnesses such as back pain.

It becomes problematic when loneliness is accompanied by immobility, helplessness and social isolation, especially among children, the elderly and disabled people. Then life-threatening care deficiencies can arise.

When should you see a doctor?

Tip: In the corona crisis, many clinics, psychiatric outpatient clinics and psychotherapeutic practices offer telephone and video consultations or online interventions as an alternative to a direct conversation.

What does the doctor do?

After that, the doctor will work with you to find out what support you need. For example, it may already be enough to structure your day better – for example, with medically supervised programs such as the “iFightDepression Program,” with which you can self-manage yourself Internet-based and free of charge.

If loneliness is associated with mental illnesses such as depression, anxiety or obsessive-compulsive disorder, the doctor may also prescribe appropriate medications (e.g., antidepressants).

Prevent loneliness

Stable and trusting social relationships are the best protection for mental and physical health.