Forgotten fathers
When a baby is on the way, expectant mothers, with their growing bellies and various pregnancy ailments, are the center of attention. The fathers-to-be, on the other hand, are often somewhat sidelined. They are supposed to “just be there” after the birth. How they become the best fathers possible is not so important at first. But especially with the first child, the changes in everyday life are extremely drastic. You can’t really prepare for them in detail. But there are ways in which fathers can cope well with their partner’s pregnancy, the birth and, above all, the time afterwards.
What man can do
First of all, expectant fathers should find out what pregnancy is like in the first place. Men should know what is going on in their partner’s womb. They, in turn, should involve their partner so that he gets to know the feeling when the child makes the first noticeable movements. If the pregnancy is more advanced, he can already properly provoke the baby’s movements. This allows the fathers-to-be to build a relationship with the child.
What about sex during pregnancy?
In terms of sex, there is no restriction during a normal pregnancy. For some women, the feeling of pleasure is even increased during pregnancy. If the belly becomes thicker, however, intimacy can become more difficult under certain circumstances. By changing the positions, sexual intercourse can still be practiced. If there are medical objections to intercourse, it is possible to switch to other practices that satisfy the sexual desire – of both partners. However, the woman’s wishes should be paramount during this time. If there are disagreements, the partners should talk about it with each other.
What is there to learn in birth preparation?
Most fathers-to-be smile at antenatal classes. But they can learn more than just how to put on a diaper or bathe the baby. They also learn useful things about childbirth and the postpartum period. Those who are well informed can cope better with the changes.
So there are few but important ways in which a man can help his wife during childbirth – and help himself, too: the feeling of standing helplessly by during childbirth, with your partner writhing in pain, crying and screaming, is almost unbearable for many fathers-to-be.
What to take with you at the birth?
The day of delivery is also stressful for fathers-to-be. That’s why they should prepare for it:
- Wear comfortable clothes that are not too warm (the birth can drag on for a long time, and it is warm in the delivery room)
- Carry drinks and quick energy sources (like granola bars, chocolates) or money to buy some
- Camera, if desired
- Turn off cell phone (“outside conversations” interfere with delivery; in fact, most hospitals ban cell phones in the delivery room)
What should fathers pay attention to after delivery?
What happens at home?
At home, the other challenges come to the young family. The mother is tired, broken and “only” there for the baby. That still works as long as everything is new. After a few weeks, however, most men are quite happy to escape the whole situation at least temporarily through their job. There are often moments when women even envy them for it.
Men should get involved in the mother-child relationship during this time. They should take over tasks: bathing the child, changing its diaper or taking it for a walk so that the partner can sleep for an hour without an “open ear”. This is good for the partnership and the relationship with the child. If they live together in this way, caring for the child does not lead to a pronounced imbalance between mother and father. Partnership conflicts can perhaps be avoided in this way.
It is also important that men find their own way of dealing with the child, which their partner should also accept. Each parent finds his or her own personal approach. Whether it is the right one can be judged, among other things, by the child’s satisfaction.
When postpartum flow stops after about six weeks and any tears or cuts have healed, sexual intercourse is theoretically possible again. However, women often do not feel much desire for it. This is due, on the one hand, to the stress of motherhood. New mothers are simply tired, exhausted and broken. In addition, there may be a fear of pain or of becoming pregnant again.
Sometimes the women simply want tenderness, warmth, security – and no sex. For men, this is usually difficult to understand. Especially breastfeeding women are often exhausted on the emotional level, because they constantly give the child food, warmth and security. It is therefore important to replenish the “stores”.
Challenge for mother and father
The change from togetherness to life as a small family and caring for a newborn are a challenge for most parents. However, both mothers and fathers should not forget themselves and their own partnership. Every day anew, a compromise must be found between the demands of the role of parent and partner and one’s own needs – and this applies to fathers and mothers alike.
Author & source information
This text corresponds to the requirements of medical literature, medical guidelines and current studies and has been reviewed by medical experts.
