Proper support despite helplessness
Give each other attention and respect. Treat yourself and the dying person with respect. No matter what state he is in, he wants to be taken seriously, treated with dignity and not patronized – just like any healthy person.
Follow the path – get informed
See yourself as a companion on the path of the dying person. You cannot take the dying away from the person concerned, but you can take him or her by the hand. To do this, it is best to inform yourself about dying and everything that goes with it – for example, on the following topics:
- the disease and possible treatments (including complementary therapies and palliative care)
- where you can get a second opinion
- which medications the affected person will receive
- what side effects may occur as a result of the treatment
- who you can call in an emergency
- how to fill out a living will
- how to settle an inheritance
The more information you gather, the better you can help the person make important decisions. For example, you can help him or her decide for or against a particular treatment. Or with the question of under what circumstances he or she would like to forego life-prolonging measures.
Relatives of dying people often have to provide organizational support. There is much that a dying person can no longer do themselves. You may have to take care of the household for him, drive him to doctor’s appointments, get his medication regularly or organize his care.
Little things suddenly mean a lot
- Cook him his favorite meal.
- Revel with him in beautiful memories.
- Scratch his head or massage his feet.
- Just listen to him talk about childhood.
- Listen to music together.
- Hold hands while watching television.
- Open the windows and listen to the birds chirping.
- Play Parcheesi together.
Sometimes only endurance helps
But no matter how much you do, a person’s final time will always be difficult. Anger, irritability, hopelessness and grief are sure to break through at times. There is no solution for this; it is part of saying goodbye. Then it’s a matter of enduring and bearing it.
Do not completely drain the battery
Even though your focus is primarily on the needs of the dying person, you must also pay attention to yourself. Signs of being overwhelmed include
- Irritability and outbursts of anger
- Headaches @
- Sleep disturbances
- Dizziness
- palpitations
- lack of appetite
- diarrhea
- the feeling of wanting to run away
Therefore: Recharge your battery from time to time. Only you can know what gives you the most energy. What did you like to do before? If you can’t think of anything that makes you feel good, try different things until you find the right one. Here are some examples:
- Meet friends.
- Talk to someone who can relate to your concerns.
- Treat yourself to an afternoon nap.
- Have a spa afternoon.
- Get out in the fresh air.
- Read a good book.
- Go out for brunch.
- Light a candle in church.
Don’t demand of yourself to be there 24/7 for the person you are grieving – you are also allowed to take time out to distract yourself and have fun. Also, you may need some time to yourself to deal with your grief and other feelings. After all, not only is the person affected going through a difficult time, you are also in a special stressful situation.
