What are the characteristics of relationships with borderline patients?
Relationships are challenging for most people. They mean making compromises, sometimes backing down, and resolving conflicts. For borderline patients, these challenges are especially difficult to overcome. The unexpected mood changes, quick irritability and low frustration tolerance of people with borderline syndrome put relationships with others to the test.
People with borderline often make an exclusive claim on close people. They quickly become jealous. Sooner or later, the initially idolized person becomes the enemy. As intensely as the partner or friend was adored at the beginning, he is now hated.
Childlike behavior also occurs in some borderline patients. Scientists have found this especially in people who were sexually or emotionally abused or abandoned as children.
Read more about Narcissistic Personality Disorder here.
Separation
Dealing with Borderline is difficult for sufferers as well as partners and friends. For people with Borderline, the causes of their fluctuating emotions are difficult to identify. The emotions are as unexpected for the affected person as they are for the other person. Out of fear of negative feelings or of being abandoned, borderline patients then often keep their distance and quickly end relationships.
Which relationship patterns exist in a partnership?
People with borderline are very afraid of being alone. At the same time, they cannot stand relationships for long. They often jump from one relationship to the next. Ending relationships suddenly is a typical characteristic of Borderline. It is therefore not easy to maintain a long-term relationship with a borderline partner.
In the context of this co-dependency, the partner often does everything for the affected person and puts his own needs in the background. This perpetuates or even reinforces the psychological disorder. It is important that the partner recognizes the disturbed behavior patterns in the borderline relationship and seeks help. Together with the therapist, the couple then works on reconciling their own needs and those of the other person.
Love and sexuality
Often borderliners are unclear about their sexual orientation. This is because the difficulties with their own identity also show up with regard to their sexual orientation. Their sexual openness in combination with impulsivity sometimes has a very attractive effect on other people. Borderliners are thus at risk of getting into an abusive situation again without noticing it immediately.
Friendship
Whether it’s a love relationship or a friendship – dealing with borderline patients is always a balancing act. The constant change between closeness and distance, the emotional roller coaster rides and the outbursts of rage are difficult to endure in the long run. When borderline patients break off contact, it is often a kind of self-protective behavior.
Family
Adolescents with borderline personality disorder may quickly change family dynamics. They draw attention to themselves. Risky behavior, mood swings and sometimes suicide attempts are part of the mental disorder. Borderline family members are often disturbed by the behavior of the affected family member. They have difficulty comprehending the actions and often feel helpless.
Borderliners have usually experienced unkindness and neglect from one or both parents. Often it is a mixture of too little care and at the same time too much control that have triggered trauma in the patients during childhood. In addition, there are genetic influences that promote the onset of the disease.
Tips for dealing with borderliners
Therapeutic treatment – outpatient or inpatient – is recommended for borderline patients in any case. If possible, the therapist involves family members or partners. The therapist first informs the family members in detail about the mental disorder. Knowing about borderline syndrome is an important first step in better understanding the person affected.
Therapeutic treatment often takes many years, since borderline is a very profound disorder. Dealing with the mental disorder is a demanding learning process for both the person affected and their family, partner or friends. However, the support of close people is very important for people with borderline and favors a positive development.
In addition, it is important that relatives of those affected also pay attention to their own well-being. It is advisable to seek support when necessary and to take time out from the challenging interaction with the borderline patient again and again in order to recharge one’s batteries.
Contact with relatives of other borderline patients usually also helps to relieve one’s own burden. In groups of relatives, one often benefits from the knowledge and experience of other relatives.
In addition, it makes sense to encourage the ill partner to undergo therapy and to support him or her in this process.
And despite all the difficulties, don’t forget: A borderline relationship is often also enriching when you face the challenges together. Professional support on this path is highly recommended and in many cases also necessary.
