No desire for sex after childbirth
It usually takes a while for the desire for sex to return after giving birth. This is completely normal. Many women don’t feel particularly good about their bodies at first: the abdomen is still flabby, the breasts are strained by the milk supply and breastfeeding, and the wound from a C-section or perineal suture may still need to heal. The hormonal changes after the birth can lead to mood swings that affect couple life. On top of that comes caring for the newborn – a 24-hour job that robs sleep and energy. In the first period, most women therefore usually feel tired and listless. In addition, the hormone prolactin, which is responsible for milk production, inhibits sexual desire.
The situation is also new and unfamiliar for fathers. Men are often unsettled and irritated by the physical closeness between mother and child. Many men also worry that sex will cause their partner pain after the birth. In addition, the new responsibilities and changes in everyday life can drain fathers’ strength. In couples who share the night shifts, both suffer from lack of sleep.
When is sex allowed after childbirth?
No two women are alike. Some want to become intimate with their partner again shortly after giving birth. From a medical point of view, there is nothing to be said against it. Even if the postpartum flow has not yet dried up, sex is generally allowed after the birth. However, if lochia is still present, wound healing is not yet complete, so there is an increased risk of infection during this time. You should therefore pay particular attention to hygiene and use condoms to prevent infections.
Tips for the first sex after birth
The first sex after birth is usually not completely relaxed. Pain during intercourse (dyspareunia) or previously unknown problems are not uncommon in the early days:
- During the breastfeeding period, the vaginal mucosa is often too dry due to low estrogen levels: Pain during sex caused by this can be avoided with lubricating creams.
- Especially during the first sex after childbirth, women find positions pleasant in which they can control the intensity and depth of penetration of the penis themselves.
- Breastfeeding puts a lot of strain on the breasts, which makes touching them rather uncomfortable. Point this out to your partner. Breastfeeding before sexual intercourse can help.
Especially if the birth was associated with a surgical procedure, sexual problems and pain during intercourse are more common afterwards. If the pain during sex after childbirth persists, you should consult a doctor.
Sex after birth: which contraceptive method is the right one?
If you don’t want to get pregnant again right away from the first sex after childbirth, you should by no means rely on the fertility reduced by breastfeeding: breastfeeding is not a safe contraception! Every woman, regardless of whether she is breastfeeding or not, should deal with the issue of contraception in good time, because the first period after childbirth can start shortly after the postpartum flow has subsided. With ovulation about ten to fourteen days before your period, you could theoretically become pregnant again immediately.
In summary, the following contraceptives are suitable in principle for breastfeeding:
- Condom or diaphragm: most harmless shortly after birth; the regenerating body is not affected; breast milk remains hormone-free.
- Hormonal IUD: contains only progestin; does not affect milk or fetal health.
- IUD: unproblematic for milk production and fetal health; before insertion, uterus must have fully receded (six to eight weeks after birth).
- Minipill: contains only progestin; does not affect milk or infant; follow daily dosing schedule exactly; can be used no earlier than six weeks after birth.
Due to side effects, breastfeeding mothers should use the following preparations only after thorough consultation with their gynecologist:
- Hormone implant: can be used no earlier than four weeks after birth; active ingredient passes into breast milk; does not affect milk or baby’s health.
- Three-month injection: can be used at the earliest six weeks after birth; side effects frequent; liver damage to the infant not excluded.
- Morning-after pill: only for emergencies; active ingredients pass into breast milk, therefore a breastfeeding break of 36 hours must be observed before taking the pill.
The following products contain estrogen and are unsuitable for breastfeeding women:
- Vaginal ring
- Contraceptive patch
- Birth control pills
Sometimes it takes a while for the desire for sex to return after childbirth. Sometimes there is simply a lack of opportunities for closeness and tenderness. In this case, it is helpful to organize a child-free time. Sexuality does not necessarily have to be the main focus. Laughter and togetherness can rebuild lost closeness – a prerequisite for a fulfilling sex life. One final tip: A child sleeping permanently in the parental bed is not necessarily conducive to sex after birth.
