Differences in the desire for sex, the so-called sexual appetence, represent the rule rather than the exception in partnerships. Depending on the size of the difference in desire between partners, this imbalance carries a high potential for dissatisfaction with the partnership, as one partner’s sexual needs may thus remain chronically unmet.
Partnership test as a way to help yourself
Therapeutic help is typically not taken up by the affected partners. On their own, however, the situation tends to worsen over time rather than improve. Psychologists in the Theratalk project at the Institute of Psychology at the University of Göttingen therefore developed a new self-help option over several years of work: a partnership test that is a supplement to the tried-and-tested “Sexual Desires” partnership test.
In combination, these two partnership tests represent an instrument that can be used in a simple way, without the involvement of a therapist, to find ways to develop more desire again and to better deal with existing differences in desire. With the very detailed partnership test “More Lust”, possibilities for improvement can be identified, which can be easily implemented by the partners. Thematized are, for example, typical behaviors that can make or prevent desire, as well as personal hygiene or dealing with characteristic lust-hostile stress factors.
Study on sexual aversion
A companion study examined how often it is a problem in partnerships when one of the partners has little or no desire for sex, and how well the partners succeed in solving this problem themselves. The study involved 10372 men and women who had been in a partnership for an average of 10 years. The range extends from newly in love couples to couples who have already had their golden wedding anniversary.
The results of the study
- For 65% of men and 54% of women unevenly distributed desire for sex is a problem, which is shown in the following graph:
Unevenly distributed desire for sex: 65% of men and 54% of women find it a problem that one of the partners has less desire for sex than the other.
- Partners usually find it difficult to deal with this problem: 87% of men and women who cite unevenly distributed desire as a problem are not satisfied with the way it is dealt with in the partnership.
- At these figures it shows that it hardly matters that it is more often men (75%) than women (31%) who have more desire for sex. The dissatisfaction hits both partners equally.
Unevenly distributed desire for sex is a very common problem in partnerships, according to the present results. More than every second partnership is affected, and the problem can not be solved satisfactorily by the partners without outside help in most cases.
