Some people suffer from a sudden sadness and melancholy after the sexual experience. Mainly women are affected by these emotions, but there are also some men who have this experience of post-coital dysphoria. Everything proceeds normally, the orgasm is great, but instead of relaxation and satisfaction, a feeling of emptiness follows.
What is post-coital dysphoria?
One study showed that one in three women has experienced a low mood following sex at some point in her life, regardless of how the sex went. The medical term for this sadness after the sexual act is called post-coital dysphoria. Dysphoria is the disturbance of emotional experiences that accompany normal daily life and are not necessarily indicative of a particular illness. Dissatisfaction, irritability and generally bad mood are the result, the person is upset without being able to name reasons for it. If this mood persists and occurs frequently, however, dysphoria becomes a post-traumatic stress disorder and may also be accompanied by depression. Dysphoria can occur on its own, but it can also be the accompanying symptom of hormonal changes.
Causes
Of course, this can be the case with post-coital dysphoria. But not only. Despite extensive study, the actual causes are not clearly understood, only that post-coital dysphoria is very common, especially in women, has been demonstrated. Normally, the sexual experience leads to physical and also emotional relaxation, brings satisfaction and a good feeling. This is because neurotransmitters and hormones are released by the body. This hormonal change can be one of the reasons why after sex there are fluctuations in feelings, even in the opposite direction. Many women not only feel sad, they can’t even hold back the tears. The feeling of relief is denied afterwards. Instead, not only sadness and melancholy follow, but even inner restlessness, irritability and anxiety.
Symptoms, complaints and signs
The nature of intimacy and love or trust in the partner have no influence on these emotions. However, one indication of such feelings is possible trauma associated with the sexual act. This can be experiences related to childhood difficulties or even abuse. Sex is then unconsciously associated with feelings of shame, guilty conscience, fear, guilt and punishment, even loss. Problems with other people are also a trigger of post-coital dysphoria. The fear of close contact or of committing at all causes inner distraction, which is not always consciously perceived and only expresses itself in sexual desire. The opposite can also be the case, that women who perceive deep attachment to their partner through sex. They want to merge with him, so to speak, but feel the detachment that occurs after the act as a burden, as a physically perceptible separation that does not actually occur, but consciously or unconsciously appears as an overwhelming feeling of anxiety. Psychological stress and strains of other kinds can also cause post-coital dysphoria.
Diagnosis and course of the disease
Human biological predisposition certainly plays another important role. The feeling for oneself and one’s own body, also the character can have an influence on such emotions, when the good feeling suddenly turns into deep dejection. The emotional crash at least does not happen because of the partner. Neither lack of love nor affection are triggers, nor own feelings cherished towards the partner.
Complications
An occasional low mood after sexual intercourse usually remains without serious consequences. Even when the causes are psychological. Such reactions may indicate possible trauma associated with the exchange of intimacy and the sexual act. The sexual act is then associated with negative emotions such as shame, fear, or guilt. Many sufferers have not processed experiences from their childhood. In addition to unhappiness, irritability and general bad mood, affected persons can then also suffer from severe anxiety or depression.If this occurs regularly, post-traumatic stress disorder can develop. Patients then increasingly avoid sexual intercourse because it no longer means pleasure and sexual satisfaction for them, but the negative emotions predominate. Those affected react dismissively to their partner, who cannot always understand the reasons for this. The relationship is put under considerable strain and often fails. Affected persons in whom post-coital dysphoria takes such an extreme form urgently need the help of a trained psychologist. Couples therapy is also usually required so that the partner learns to cope with the condition and understands that the negative feelings after sexual intercourse are not related to him or her, nor are they caused by him or her.
When should you go to the doctor?
Women who repeatedly feel irritable or sad after sex should talk about it with their gynecologist. Postcoital dysphoria is a severe disorder of sexuality that can put a great strain on interpersonal relationships in the long term. Individuals who have experienced sexual abuse are particularly likely to suffer from post-coital dysphoria. Generally, the phenomenon is attributed to a disturbed relationship with sexuality. Affected women should work with a psychologist to determine the causes of the problems. The gynecologist can establish contact with a suitable sex therapist. If necessary, trauma therapy may also be useful and necessary in order to work through conflicts and traumatic experiences and thereby also alleviate typical symptoms such as irritability, sadness, exhaustion or separation anxiety. If necessary, a self-help group can also be sought out. By talking to other sufferers, women learn how to deal with post-coital dysphoria and receive tips on other places to go. In the case of severe mood swings, hormone treatment is possible, which is usually carried out in a specialized clinic.
Treatment and therapy
If such mood swings occur more frequently or are always the case after sex, other causes may be the trigger and should then also be intensively investigated psychologically. It is possible that such mood lows are nevertheless caused by a highly stressful event or situation that is unconsciously perceived as a threat and has an effect on the emotions. There may also be a tendency to depression. The actual stress factors are not always clearly identifiable. Then the person must deal with the emotions and fluctuations more deeply and possibly also consider psychological therapy to deal with the entire situation. Such a usually proceeds in several phases. First, the person must feel safe and comfortable talking and wanting to express the feelings. Finally, what may come to light as experiences must be perceived as past. Then the focus is on coping with everyday life and relaxation and breathing exercises provide a new balance, can also have an impact on sexual life.
Prevention
However, post-coital dysphoria is usually not a permanent phenomenon during sex, and if it does occur, the subsequent low mood also passes quickly. Those who are more frequently affected by such feelings can remedy the sadness with exercise and a subsequent warm shower. The warm water causes relaxation for the body and lifts the mood again.
Aftercare
If medical examinations and treatments are complete and no cause leading to postcoital dysphoria has been diagnosed, no follow-up care is necessary. Postcoital dysphoria does not represent a permanent disease or impairment. Therefore, it does not need to be followed by further investigations and treatment. Patients who are more frequently affected by a low mood after sexual intercourse should develop strategies to counteract it. These include regular exercise, a healthy and balanced diet, and outdoor exercise. Regular relaxation exercises are also advisable. Autogenic training or progressive muscle relaxation according to Jacobson have proven to be effective. Postcoital dysphoria should be discussed with the partner in an empathetic, open conversation. Moreover, forms of therapy for both partners would also be conceivable and important. Affection, partner talks, kissing and cuddling strengthen the feelings for each other.They counteract post-coital dysphoria. With resentment and upset, exactly the opposite is achieved. However, if a cause was identified during the examinations and treatments (for example, abuse in childhood), follow-up treatments are very important. The patient should then be followed regularly and over a longer period of time by a family doctor and psychotherapist. If postcoital dysphoria recurs, intervention can then be rapid.
What you can do yourself
This condition often affects women and can be relatively common. Those affected often have a guilty conscience towards their sexual partner. However, the guilty conscience is unfounded: Postcoital dysphoria is no one’s fault. Those affected should consult a doctor, because hormone problems may underlie the disorder. But psychological problems, such as trauma following abuse, can also trigger postcoital dysphoria. If there are no physical causes for the post-coital sadness, then sufferers should seek help from a psychologist. Trauma from childhood should also be worked through so that post-coital dysphoria does not turn into depression or sufferers avoid sexual intercourse in the future. If those affected have a steady partner, they should seek couples therapy or at least include him or her in their own therapy. However, patients with post-coital dysphoria may also benefit from relaxation techniques. These include yoga, Reiki, Jacobson’s Progressive Muscle Relaxation, breathing exercises, Qigong and Tai Chi, but also alternative forms of therapy such as music therapy, laughter yoga or EFT tapping therapy can have a relieving effect. Music therapy in particular shows how one’s mood can be improved through music as an expression of emotions.
