Nowadays, many people, especially young people, still consider sexuality as something that stops when women can no longer have children. They believe that only young people can properly experience erotic tension and have a high need for sexual satisfaction, while all this decreases more and more from middle age, finally ceasing completely in old age. Young people are considered healthy, while the normal physical changes of old age are often equated with illness.
Sexuality in old age is normal
But it is true – even if few talk about it: sexuality in old age is not an unusual thing worth marveling at, but something quite normal. According to an American study, in a group with an average age of 86 years, 64% of women and 82% of men still had regular sexual contact. It is relatively rarely talked about this topic, because sexuality in old age is not as spectacular and exciting as in youth. Just different.
What does “sexuality in old age is different” mean?
There is no age limit for satisfying sexuality. But as we age, the nature of sexual contact changes. As a rule, the frequency of sexual contact decreases with age. There is also a shift from sexual intercourse to more other tender sexual contacts. This is because sexuality is not limited to sexual intercourse in all age groups. In the group of people of very high age described above, however, 63% of men and 30% of women still reported having regular sexual intercourse. However, this is different for each person, of course. However, a simple rule of thumb applies: For people for whom sexuality has been important all their lives, it will remain so in old age. For those who have had rather little interest in sexuality all their lives, this will not change in old age. Old age sexuality does not become easier. Apart from the fact that, of course, problems that have existed in a partnership for many years will continue to exist, it is necessary to consider some factors that affect age sexuality: The normal changes in our body, social problems, the effects of our lifestyle, the increase of diseases and effects of the treatment of diseases.
Changes in the body affect sexuality
The older we get, the more noticeable the changes of aging become. Our bones and joints become more vulnerable to stress. Skin and hair become thinner and change color. Internal organs also no longer function in the same way. Some of these physical changes also affect sexuality. In women, during and after menopause (the so-called “menopause”), blood levels of estrogen decrease. Estrogens are the female sex hormones. This causes the mucous membrane of the vagina to become less elastic, thinner and also less moist. Therefore, during sexual intercourse, injuries can often occur, the formation of small tears in the mucous membrane, which can lead to pain.
Decreasing testosterone levels in men.
Similarly, the level of the sex hormone testosterone also decreases in men. In addition, the tissues of the penis increasingly lose elasticity. These changes cause erections to develop less quickly and spontaneously. More physical stimulation is needed to achieve an erection. In addition, the penis is no longer as stiff during erections and the angle of erection also decreases. This means that you can no longer get it (quite) high and often you have to help it along a little. In addition, the decreasing testosterone level leads to the fact that the desire feeling, the libido somewhat decreases. All these changes have initially nothing to do with disease – nevertheless, it can be useful to counteract them in part with drug help.
Social problems
People who openly admit their sexuality in old age are often marveled at and smiled at in our society. Yet there are a number of famous people who show us that sexuality can be valuable in old age. In addition to artists such as Zsa Zsa Gabor, Elizabeth Taylor, Pablo Picasso or Charles Chaplin, there are many prominent men such as Franz Beckenbauer, who became a father of two in the second half of his life, a good example of how one can remain sexually active even at a mature age.Many people find it particularly difficult to imagine that their parents and grandparents are sexually active. A cabaret artist once jokingly put it this way: “I would have thought my father capable of something so dirty, but my mother? Never!”
Women are more likely to be alone in old age
But there are also very serious problems besides these acceptance problems: Women have a much longer life expectancy than men. As a result, many older women do not have a partner with whom they can enjoy sexuality. While well over half of men who live past the age of 80 still have a partner, among women of the same age, it is not even one in ten who still has a partner. Often, after losing a life partner, there is also a lack of courage to embark on a new partnership once again.
What diseases affect sexuality?
Unfortunately, with age, the body becomes more susceptible to diseases. Many of these diseases affect sexuality. For example, more than half of older male patients with diabetes have erection problems because of circulatory problems or impaired nerve conduction. Similarly, arteriosclerosis, popularly known as “vascular calcification,” can cause impaired blood flow to the erectile tissue. In both women and men, pelvic surgery can have negative effects on sexuality. In women, injury to nerves and vessels can occur during uterine removals; in men, this often happens during prostate (prostate gland) or bowel surgeries. Problems with sexual sensation and erectile dysfunction can result. Another problem that affects geriatric sexuality is urinary incontinence. Many older women, like men, suffer from uncontrolled urination. It is often difficult to talk about this with a partner and doctor, although effective help is available. Finally, depressive moods occur more frequently in old age, in the context of which there can be a considerable impairment of sexual interest and the ability to experience. If the depression improves, the pleasure in sexuality also increases again.
Impairment due to medication
It is often necessary to take medication for a long time or permanently in old age because of serious or chronic illnesses. Many of these medications can impair sexual interest, arousal and experience. Switching to a different medication can often provide relief. However, this should never be done arbitrarily, but always in close consultation with a doctor.
Some lifestyle habits take revenge in old age
Many consequences of lifestyle habits only become noticeable in old age. This applies to heavy cigarette smoking as well as excessive alcohol consumption or diets too high in fat and cholesterol that have led to obesity. In men in particular, this can exacerbate erectile dysfunction that is already present.
Dealing with changing conditions
With many changes in age, it makes sense to adapt one’s sexual behavior to the changed conditions. For example, it may be useful to find and try new, more comfortable positions for sexual intercourse. The exchange of caresses or even masturbation can become more important than actual sexual intercourse. Often, mature people find the very lack of pressure to perform that younger people face to be a special enrichment of old-age sexuality.
Remedy through drug treatment
In many cases, however, especially when affected by disease and other disorders such as urinary incontinence, there are successful therapeutic options. In women in particular, hormonal replacement therapy has been shown to be useful. There are also now very effective treatment options for erectile dysfunction in men. For many sexual symptoms, it is also important to treat the underlying condition. For example, erectile dysfunction can also be an indication of the presence of a previously overlooked disease requiring treatment, such as coronary heart disease. In the case of depression in particular, drug therapy can significantly improve the general quality of life and is usually indispensable for an improvement in the symptoms. However, it is important that you talk to your doctor, who can give you competent advice.Talking about sexuality may be difficult for you at first, but there are effective treatments for most sexual disorders today.
Discuss sexual problems with your partner
Even the proverb knows that “a sorrow shared is a sorrow halved”. Often, the partner quite unconsciously provides a lot of “pressure to perform” in a sexual relationship. And this pressure, also often created by speechlessness, can then again lead to a reinforcement of existing sexual problems. So just addressing such a problem can take away a whole lot of tension, sometimes even normalizing the sexual relationship completely. Since sexuality is always a matter that concerns two people, it is often helpful if your partner accompanies you to the doctor if you are considering seeking treatment. It may often take a great deal of effort to bring up such a problem – not bringing it up, however, sneaking around, is almost in every case much more stressful on a relationship in the long run.
Sexual dysfunction can be treated even in old age
Advanced age is not a reason not to pursue treatment for sexual dysfunction. Rather, it is a matter of attitude. For example, while certain couples accept and take for granted the male partner’s loss of erectile function as part of growing older, others are unhappy about having to do without a part of their lives that is so important to them. Therefore, age alone should not be an argument against treatment. Nowadays, even 90-year-olds are treated with the same success and methods as younger patients. This applies to medical treatments as well as psychotherapeutic ones.
Sexual performance pressure in men with younger partners
Many men who have a partnership with a significantly younger woman put themselves – often unintentionally – under sexual pressure to perform. They then think they have to provide the same “performance” in bed as a much younger man – and this despite all the physical changes. This can then lead to the appearance of fear of failure and even to erectile dysfunction due to psychological reasons. Here it is important to avoid this competitive situation created by the men themselves and to reduce any tension that has arisen. A younger woman who decides to partner with a more mature man will have had her reasons for doing so and will appreciate certain values. And this is also important for the man to pay more attention to than to focus on experienced deficits. Also in the treatment of, for example, erectile dysfunction, an open discussion with the partner about the possibilities of treatment, even if it is difficult at first, is much more helpful than secret use of erectile aids.
Strain on the heart and circulation?
Some older people worry that sexuality in old age is too strenuous and that it could, for example, overload the heart. This concern is relatively unfounded: Sexual intercourse is roughly equivalent in its strain to brisk stair climbing. In principle, this means that those who can still climb stairs need not fear the physical strain of sexual intercourse. On the contrary, a recently published study showed that apparently it is those men who are sexually active for a long time who have a higher life expectancy.
