They are among the perennial favorites of our media landscape and reach an audience of millions with an openness that can hardly be surpassed: the countless reports, talk shows and presentations about love, lust and sex. What often sounds so simple in the media leads in reality to arguments and resentment among many couples, because for women in particular, desire does not always arise when their partner feels like being together – but a lack of love is not usually the cause. Is the idea of love = sex an equation with many unknowns and female lust unpredictable?
Love = lust a myth
Even if a woman loves a man, it does not mean that she always feels like having sex with him. Headaches, migraines or laundry day were once suitable excuses for our great-grandmothers to refuse. Today, most women feel that the cycle with its hormonal fluctuations influences mood and well-being. On the surface, this means: desire around ovulation, unwillingness before the period. How can this be explained?
How the cycle affects female desire
During the first two weeks of the cycle, an egg follicle matures in the ovary. During this time, estrogen levels increase tenfold. Estrogens are responsible for good mood, pep, and a sense of well-being. At mid-cycle, the egg bursts from its vesicle, is released and travels through the fallopian tube towards the uterus. The so-called corpus luteum is formed from the disintegrating shell of the egg vesicle. It produces the corpus luteum hormone progesterone. If the egg is not fertilized, the corpus luteum regresses, hormone production collapses and menstruation occurs. The corpus luteum hormone is an antagonist of estrogens. It has a calming, sleep-inducing and anxiety-relieving effect in most women. If estrogens and the corpus luteum hormone drop out around menstruation, we speak of hormone withdrawal symptoms. These include depressive moods, tension and irritability, and there is no desire for sex. During this phase, many women suffer from headaches and migraines and are prone to ravenous appetite attacks. When the next follicle matures and estrogens are produced again, these symptoms disappear. Around ovulation, the desire for sex is probably greatest due to the effect of male hormones.
How do male hormones work?
Clock generator for the sexual desire of the woman are also the male hormones (androgens). They even surpass estrogens in their effect. They are testosterone and DHEA/-S (dehydroepiandrosterone/sulfate). Testosterone is produced in the ovaries, the adrenal cortex and in other organs, for example in fatty tissue. DHEA/-S is formed almost exclusively in the adrenal cortex and is also partly converted to testosterone by the organism. At the time of ovulation, this increases by around 30% for a short time. What the male hormones do in women and what they are used for was unclear for a long time. Even if there is no clear “androgen deficiency syndrome”, certain signs are closely associated with a deficit of male hormones. These include:
-
sexual listlessness
-
fatigue without apparent cause
-
Reduction in well-being
-
Decrease in pubic hair
-
Regression of the musculature
Currently, intensive research is underway to develop preparations to compensate for “androgen deficiency”.
When instead of desire frustration prevails
Problems surrounding sexuality are by no means uncommon, and many couples still find it difficult to talk about sex. Obviously, there are inhibitions, caused by shame or fear of rejection, to talk about what they feel like doing and when they don’t. Sexual aversion, pain during sex, orgasm problems and difficulties with sexual arousal are not only problems of older menopausal women. Younger women are just as affected, and they too rarely talk openly about their problems. The initiative “female affairs” wants to contribute to bringing the conversation about sex out of the taboo zone. Prof. Dr. Elisabeth Merkle, a gynecologist in Bad Reichenhall, says: “Our team of experts wants to close gaps in knowledge and improve education.”
Recognizing stumbling blocks
“The persistent myth still persists: if a man and a woman love each other, the sex is also right.”This widespread misconception summarily sweeps physical and psychological obstacles under the table, stokes insecurity and feelings of inferiority. Not only the lack of knowledge that hormones set the pace, but also everyday stress, household and professional activities, child rearing, unemployment and existential worries, as well as the fear of an unwanted pregnancy, often destroy the desire for sex. In addition, according to new findings, women with diabetes, metabolic syndrome and smokers often suffer from a lack of libido. Possible bladder weakness should also not be underestimated. Especially when certain desire norms want to dictate what is normal and what is not, the desire for sex loses its individuality. Then voluntariness and spontaneity become a must or dictate of desire and the problems around love and desire harden through resignation and speechlessness.
Seek advice from a gynecologist
The professional association of gynecologists advises to jump over one’s own shadow and speak out about the individual problems. Gynecologists are prepared to offer solutions for women and also their partners in matters of sexuality.